November 2012

The INNOCENTS ABROAD tour is over. The INNOCENTS have all arrived back in Oz to be reunited with their BROADS.
After the initial excitement of being reunited with loved ones, family and friends (this lasted about 15 seconds), we all stared at piles of VISA bills and asked ourselves if it was all worth it. Then we all tried to settle back to life as we knew it before we took off for 5 months, 9 circuits, 9 countries, and constant stimulation.

Kim got into his Lotus 18 only 3 days after getting off the plane for the Sandown meeting, only to strip his distributor button key in the last race. Then he went home to bed. Bill thought better of hopping into his Formula 5000 with jet lag, so went to Sandown as a spectator and bored anyone who would listen about Europe. Tony took 10 days longer to return home and is currently writing his informative reports for various magazines. Roger and Margaret went to the dog’s home to replace their much loved pooch who had passed away a week before they left for Europe in June (conveniently saving Roger some dog boarding costs). The new hound got out of their car as soon as they got home, took a leak in the vegie garden and then took off never to be seen again. Back to the pound for another $500 mutt and Roger can now show Margaret that motor racing is almost as cheap as pet ownership.

Many colleagues have requested a summary report on our Great Big Adventure. The highlights, lowlights and costs. It is virtually impossible to cover these requests adequately because each of the 4 Innocents had separate expectations and unexpected experiences to put extra pressure on adequate explanations. (You try getting five “x”es into one sentence!)

As far as costs go, we reckon a $50,000 budget would cover a couple for 15 weeks including air fares, car freight, truck/van/caravan/motorhome  purchase, some hotels, all meals, fuel, ferries, entry fees, entertainment and bits and pieces. Given some of us are trying to resell our transporters, we can expect some $1000’s back.

Of course, any major repairs are extra (as they would be at home), and Kim busted the budget by (a) flying several friends and family over with him, (b) renting villas in France and Italy for his groupies, (c) having a wedding for his daughter on the Italian Lakes, (d) buying several engines and repairs, and (e) buying shopping vouchers to keep his long suffering wife from suffering too much.

Lowlights were very few. If we had to nominate some, they would probably include (a) constantly waiting for Tony, (b) sitting in Parc Ferme after each race, (c) realising we were no match for the speed of the front runners, (d) engine issues that were difficult to cure a long way from home, and (e) packing the cars in the container to come home…you can only imagine the atmosphere with 5 “A” type personalities all trying to do it their way, in the rain, tired and hungover.

Some items that would normally be considered as a lowlight, faded into insignificance with time. Costs of entries, fuel and toll roads shocked us at the time, but we got used to them and they were offset by the favourable costs of things like food and parts. Likewise, the endless driving (we all did more than 23,000 kms) was made worthwhile by the constant surprises en-route and the destinations. If you don’t like driving…don’t go!

Highlights, on the other hand, were too numerous to recount in full.

Apart from the actual events and the races at dreamtime tracks (which were covered in previous reports), a few positives will be remembered forever.

The closeknit friendships that prospered between the Innocents, despite the odd, inevitable spat, will last a very long time. At some stage, all of us contributed a helping hand, or a spare part, or a drink or meal to each other. Even Tony was never late in offering assistance or company.

More surprising was the friendships and assistance and respect and gratitude forthcoming from many of our Formula Junior hosts. Hopefully, we returned the love.
For instance, Tony spent valuable time welding up a competitor’s chassis at Charade to get him back on the track (and allow him to beat Kim to the podium). He also helped get some unwanted single women off the streets. Kim personally improved the European economy with cash injections. Roger survived a Police enquiry when he was seen pulling little toy Koalas out of his trenchcoat pocket and handing them out to small children. Bill was constantly on his best behaviour and did nothing to embarrass the Australian brand. We can all only hope many of our new friends make it to Oz in 2013 for a race series so we can show them our hospitality and prove that they were lucky because we were, in fact, the cream of Australian males.

Probably the most significant highlight was the on-track camping. We must lobby to encourage and allow this feature to return to Australian Historic racing. Let’s face it, motor racing is a very self indulgent pastime and it can be insular without the camaraderie of like minded people. This camaraderie is absolutely magnified when you live together for a weekend. Once you get that first fart out of the way, shared food, drink, humour, tall tales and even wives, put a whole new perspective on the joys of historic racing.

Finally, being part of the Formula Junior fraternity was the critical factor in the success of the adventure. We cannot think of another category where you can experience so much with much of the organisation in place and the delightful mix of characters to associate with.

So was it worth it?

Abso…bloody…lutely.